Bloggish

Before I get to the video below, see this. Trust me, it's worth it.

At a recent press conference at Camp David, President Bush discussed a recent federal court decision declaring the NSA's wiretapping program unconstitutional. If you needed further proof that the man has not quit drinking, here it is (stay for the end and Bush's hand-to-the-head-like-a-gun moment as he walks away*):

This comment from Wonkette summed it up much better than I ever could:

Here's a translation of what he actually meant:

"I did not read this. I am not going to read this. I am not going to have anybody read this to me. I forbid my staff and the entire Executive Branch to read this. You can tell by their responses that Attorney General Gonzales and spokesman Tony Snow have already not read it, and I affirm that all of us in this Administration will continue to not read it. This decision does not exist. It is a figment of the imagination of the self-loathing wimp-dog Godless atheist agnostic Muslim terrorist-supporting hippie Commie dope-fiend pinko bedwetter black-loving Al Qaeda liberal business-trashing traitor anti-American socialist pro-abortion gay homosexual Lesbyterian coward media that hates our soldiers. Laura, put the goddam thing down and don't try to explain anything."

*Upon repeat viewing, it was discovered that this was a salute. Close though.

As you may have recently heard, President Bush chose l'Etranger as part of his summer reading and discussed the novel with talk show host his Press Secretary, Tony Snow.

Here's a portion of the transcript of the dinner conversation:

America is full of fatties.

We're willing to admit it. We're willing to admit that up to 30.5% of Americans are obese. We're just not willing to admit we are fat, just everyone else. We like placing the blame on things other than us: other fat people, the French, Jews. And now the obese have a new weapon in their arsenal: microbes. It seems that there is a new field of science, deemed "infectobesity", which sets out to prove that obesity could be the result of other causes not linked to diet, exercise, or genetics. This could potentially be a groundbreaking and affective way to approach obesity and cure it. It could hep save the lives of millions of people who have drastic health risks due to their body's bulbous state. However, I worry that as infectobesity becomes more widely known, some people will latch onto it as the cause of their problems, an inevitablility beyond their control, and they will not take the proper steps toward changing their diets and their excercise routines to make themselves healthier.

However, it is obvious that microbes are not the only reason, as it seems even babies these days are in fact getting fatter. Perhaps this is why Tom Cruise and and Katie Holmes kept their daughter Suri locked away for so long-- she had to shape up and drop a few pounds. Recently, though, Suri made her first public appearance at a party thrown by Will 'Who's the Best?' Smith. One party guest described the bundle of joy thusly:
"Suri is a beautiful baby with no deformities that I could see."

Well played.

Following a profanity-laced tirade (YouTube below) in which Paris' buddy, apparent no-talent ass-clown Michael Davis, goes off on Lohan's very existence, Ms. Lohan has struck back. Commenting on Paris' giggling while walking along and seeming to enjoy the fun at her expense, Lindsay SLAMMED* Paris:

"I bet she's comfortable making videos." (!!!)

Lindsay also noted that Paris and Davis left her crazy voicemails, were upset about Stavros... and yada, yada, yada. I'm already sick of this story. Let's move on.

Oh wait, the video, which concludes with this zinger that will stay in your head for days:

"Lindsay Lohan is a fire-crotch and she has freckles coming out of her pussy and her clit is seven feet long."

*On the use of SLAMMED in IMDB.com news: note how this story uses IMDB's rarely-seen thesaurus, incorporating the words "rubbished," "attacked," and "blasted".

OK, I'm stopping for real. You just got stupider while reading this entry. More of the same to come later.

The discoball was the champion of the 70s, but like most things/people who enjoyed their heyday 30 years ago, they've fallen on hardtimes.

Here at Cosmodrome, we're pretty terrified by a few things that would make us shit in our pants if they showed up at our front door, ie black holes, organized religion, and some conglomeration of Karl Rove, Barry Bonds' swollen 'roid-head, and Jerry Bruckheimer (summer 2007 blockbuster?). But one Fear may have just creeped up on us without anyone being the wiser.

Fucking Joementum.

According to ABC News, Lieberman has received the message from Karl Rove: "The boss wants to help. Whatever we can do, we will do."

Slightly ironic that Karl calls George "The Boss," no? Or actually, I don't know if that is irony. Although I use the term all the time, I'm not sure I've every fully grasped its defintion.

Mark Schmitt offers an interesting analysis on his blog (of Joementum, not the definition of irony):

"I think it’s possible that after the primary, unleashed from the obligation of being a checklist Democrat, Lieberman may emerge as a very, very conservative figure, one of those real neoconservatives (in the older sense of the word) whose main politics is to obsess over and recoil at what they see as the excesses of the left. Michael Barone is a good example of such a figure, and that way madness lies. I'm just speculating, but if that does occur, we’ll understand why he couldn’t run a plausible Democratic campaign in 2006: he couldn’t bring himself to."

Most of us still fondly remember (and chuckle at) Senator Stevens' hilarious description of the Internet as "a series of tubes" back last month. But in an effort to never let the Alaskan senator's out-of-touchness die, someone made a mashup of his speech with a much more forgettable horror movie. Check out the horror.

At Cosmodrome love our celebrities. We'll admit it. No shame in it.

But we especially love when actors that dip under the radar, only to return to us years later and make us proud. Like the joy we get whenever we see Max Casella, Vinnie of Doogie Howser fame, as a tough guy in The Sopranos. Welcome back, Max.