Mission: Cosmodrome

Mission: Cosmodrome

March 8, 2006

Comrades, this is your captain. It is an honor to speak to you today, and I'm honored to be sailing with you on the maiden voyage of our motherland's most recent achievement.

And once more, we play our dangerous game, a game of chess against our old adversaries...the forces of aimless e-mail forwards, funny photos, unwitty articles, Google searches, and labrynthine websites.

For years, you have played this game and played it well...

... But today, the game is different. We have the advantage. It reminds me of the heady days of the young AV Club and real infotaiment, when the world trembled at the dial-up of a modem. Well, they will tremble again at the sight of our IMDB finds, actually witty articles, and trips into the e-unkown in a format that doesn't make your head spin.

Comrades, our own fleet doesn't know our full potential. They will do everything possible to test us, but they will only test their own embarrassment. We will leave our fleet behind. We will pass through the e-mail forwards, the bare-your-soul (which is dead anyway) blogs, past the hypocrisy of the critical mass, and through the maze of their sites, to take dead aim on your heart, brain, and soul, enriching them in ways never before thought possible... all while we listen to rock n' roll.

And when we are finished, the only site they will see is our banner while we sail to Havana, where the sun is warm, and so is the comradeship.

A great day, comrades. We sail into history.