24's Got An Axe to Grind. But What Is It?

Like George Clooney, I'm a Liberal. There, I said it! With a capital L! But I also Love the show 24, with a capital L.

How could this be? Have we entered yet another chapter in the book of the hypocrisy of me that is neverending?

You see, here's the paradox: like George Clooney I feel that blacks should not have to sit in the back of the bus. In fact, when I ride the bus, I often sit in the back myself to prevent blacks from having to sit there, just in case. And yet I also love watching Jack Bauer prove his manliness by demonstrating decisiveness in times of crisis. I am so not gay, yet it turns me on. It is the biggest adrenaline rush on television, yet it burns me up when my eyes look anywhere near the bottom right hand corner of the screen, and the little logo reminds me that this entertaining television series about our nation's security is brought to me by Fox, purveyors of evil.

So this contradiction got me thinking: Does 24 have an axe to grind?

I brought my question to the Cosmodrome Council of Elders, and they had a bevy of possible axes. So the next time you enjoy your hour of 24 casually, consider these 10 not-so-subtle propagandas seeping into your brains.

24:

1) Demonstrates the importance, irreplaceability, and unassailability of men and manliness;

2) Shows how all women are essentially variations of Lady MacBeth. Especially black women.

3) Re-articulates the administration's legitimate use of torture in crisis (and non-crisis) situations;

4) Shows how bad it would be to have a President who mistakenly came to power and has no backbone (i.e. Democrats);

5) Illustrates the Great Man Theory wherein one man's wisdom is superior to that of his community;

6) Examines the implicit homosocial bond that exists between patriotic men;

7) Implies that terrorists and the ACLU are probably in cahoots;

8) Makes Liberals more open to Fox programming by making them think that Fox takes a non-racist view of terrorism with their equal opportunity casting of white Chechens as terrorists;

9) Also disguises itself as non-racist by fetishizing the idea of a black president, even if said black president brings nothing uniquely "black" per se to the presidency but rather acts as an enabler for Jack to be able to break the Law and work his Great Man magic;

10) Imagines that there is an elite group of female supermodel terrorists who, despite their mysterious origins and high degree of power, still spend their free time fucking unshaven deadbeat men;

10.1) Proves that terrorists have an infinite number of back up plans and men to help them complete their missions, no matter how extreme;

10.2) Reinforces the fantasy that no matter how many terrorists there are in relation to American heroes, the terrorists are such bad shots that America can't help but win;

10.3) Provides inspiration to the American side of the technological "arms race" by giving CTU utopian technology that makes anything possible so that nothing ever fails (as long as there is an autistic woman or lovable fat man there to do the job).

Can you think of any others? If you can, or if you are a writer or producer on the show, please let us know. We have a few spec scripts we'd like to show you.