IMDB Will Eat Itself!
In the world of celebrity, homogeneity has become the norm. And the only Norm we here at Cosmodrome are into is that fat one that sits at the bar and orders beers from Ted Danson.
But with all the Li’ls, Simpsons, Hiltons and Carters (except you, Vince) it’s getting tough to remember who really matters and who just hit it with a blogger.
Even that bastion of Film Forum fact, the Internet Movie Database, has become corrupted – turning into a source of confusion, not a means to relieve it.
Consider if you will: IMDB will eat itself. I’m sure some of you may recall the internet conceptual art phenomenon sparked by two lonely dudes somewhere in a dorm room called Google Will Eat Itself. The creators of the website saturated a URL with google ads, the proceeds from which they invested into Google stock. The purpose? To create a virtual Ouroboros that consumed itself through its own means of consumption – namely, capitalism...or something like that.
I’m not saying IMDB is an agent of the right, pro-business or running for a midterm seat in Ohio. I’m just suggesting that in this world of media saturation, it’s possible that we know too much. Has having the ability to know everything meant that we really know way less? I hear that college makes you stupid, but not the Internet!
Or so I thought, until a few fateful IMDB searches.
A conversation about Timecop led me to wonder if Ron Silver, the actor, was related to Joel Silver, the producer. A picture of Joel Silver makes him look just like James Frey, who wrote that movie Kissing a Fool starring Jason Lee, which sounds like Jennifer Jason Leigh, who was in that movie Dolores Claiborne, which was directed by Taylor Hackford, who also did Ray with Jamie Foxx, who did Collateral with Tom Cruise, who was in Jerry Maguire with Renee Zellweger, who looks kind of like Ellen Pompeo who starred in that Grey’s Anatomy episode “Into You Like a Train,” which guest starred Monica Keena, who looks just like that girl Abby from Dawson’s Creek, who was played by…what was her name…what was her name…oh yeah, Monica fucking Keena.
Forget Kevin Bacon. IMDB will lead you around in a single, stream-of-consciousness search to a realization as inane as Monica Keena looks like Monica Keena because they’re the same fucking person. It’s a self-referential circle that means we, not celebrity, are to blame for all the sameness. IMDB's not eating itself. It's our brains that are feasting on their stems. And what goes good with brain? Beer. So Norm, make some room at the bar, and by the way, has anyone ever mentioned you kind of look like Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley?
Further Reading:
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Aren't you forgetting that Monica Keena was in the little-known classic, All I Wanna Do (a.k.a Strike!, a.k.a. The Hairy Bird)? ...which also starred Kirsten Dunst, Gaby Hoffman, Rachel Leigh Cook, Lynn Redgrave, Matthew Lawrence, Heather Matarazzo, and more. Rumor has it that this indie gem was re-cut by Harvey Weinstein and then released with no marketing muscle, which is why you've never heard of it. I mean, what a cast.
Oh, and Monica Keena has large calves.
I totally forgot about that
I totally forgot about that movie because I knew it under its French name, "Les Filles Font la Roi," which the little French I gleaned from 5 months of study-abroad tells me means "Girls Do the King." I can't believe I missed it. And Keena's calves.
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