Badgers? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badgers

We're finally winning the war! Or, well, the British are winning the war for us! Or, well, the honey badgers that the British troops are being blamed for bringing to Iraq are winning the war! (Just ignore the evidence that the badgers existed in the area well before the invasion.)

This surge of Badger troops is seriously freaking out the population around Basra, who think the British forces have unleashed a plague of man-eating monsters ('head-and-body length ranges from 60 to 102 cm') into the area. Residents claim to never have seen anything so ferocious and hideous before-- one witness saying he watched a badger ('head-and-body length ranges from 60 to 102 cm') shred apart a cow. One woman reports she was attacked by one describing it thusly: "It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey."

Because of their relation to the wolverine, I imagine the Iraqi version of Red Dawn will have a group of paramilitary high-schoolers who are fighting the good fight and call themselves the RATELS, starring the Iraqi versions of Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, and C. Thomas Howell. If they ask nice they might even get Lea Thompson to reprise her role.