"I have to go now. My planet needs me." Note: Jacko died on the way back to his home planet

Last night was the premiere of Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveShow on HBO, a cavalcade of spinning stages, projections on gauzy columns, lasers, walls of space age sound equipment, hydraulic risers, and scantily clad dancers. The only people that rivaled the lack of clothing were the permed bridge-n-tunnelers shown in the audience, screaming their eyes out, beer cups raised in joy.

While JTim might be this generation's Michael Jackson, he lacks the consummate showmanship of Jacko.

For example, let's look at how each one ends a show to decide which is better:

• Justin Timberlake ended his show with a ballad on the piano and then, with tears in his eyes, thanked the audience, truly and sincerely, for coming.
• Michael Jackson on the other hand decided to end his 1992 concert in Bucharest by taking off from stage strapped to a jet pack and flying over the audience, presumably on his way to meet Captain EO:

winner: MJ

Also of Note: One person who didn't benefit from the broadcast of the show in high definition was Timbaland, who would randomly rise from and then lumber onto the stage. Dude looked like right before the show he bench-pressed a cow then dipped it in nacho cheese and ate it.