Liveblogging Jury Duty

Ok, so maybe I'm not really "liveblogging" Jury Duty. It would have been the perfect thing to liveblog, especially because the whole liveblog genre is exclusive to uncanny things that are both too horrible to watch and too horrible not to. (See: Moment of Truth, Basic Instinct 2, or the presidential debates.)

However, since serving on a jury is both an honor and a privilege, then it's an honor and a privilege to (probably illegally) tell you everything that happened in all its gritty detail. So here are some pre-recorded liveblogging-type field notes from the end of Day 1 of what could be at least two weeks in the belly of the beast.

• Do you know about that infamous dramatization/educational video of the history of human justice? Well don't expect it to work due to "technical difficulties." Seriously, I am sort of devastated that I didn't get to see this. I've only heard amazing stories about its depiction of the Middle Ages, with the burlap robes and the spooky dry ice atmosphere and Ed Bradlee walking out from behind a tree to narrate it with his bold, dead voice. But since I won't get called back to J.D. for at least another 8 years (or so they say), I may never have a chance to see this video myself. Youtube, where art thou when you need thou?
• When the presiding clerk asks you to turn off your cell phone because it interferes with the television sets, don't believe him. But don't question him either because you know he knows he's lying to you with his "magical" sense of how cell phones and TV sets work when they are in proximity of one another. He's just trying to keep the people under control.
• When you're informed that there's a computer room adjacent to the jurors' lounge, try to get one with a monitor and computer system. FYI The plug-ins haven't been updated since Windows 95, so don't expect to do anything relevant with them. Like liveblogging jury duty.
• You will hear somebody say a variation of the following countless times: "I know jury duty is inconvenient and painful, but..." followed by a simplistic argument that the whole world will fall apart if people stopped showing up for jury duty. Duh, really? This is nonsense, and characteristic of the lawyer's distinct ability to shift everything -- including Democracy -- from the system to you. What did Marx say? _____ is the opiate of the people? You can fill in the blank with whatever.
• Bring food and drink and try to find a seat close to the window and as far from the door as possible.
• You will be astounded by the number of non-English speakers who seem to slip through the cracks by just not saying a word to anybody. It's amazing to watch an attorney ask someone if they are OK with the fact that our system works on the fundamental principle of "innocent until proven guilty" only to be stared back at with a blank and vulnerable stare.
• You will also be astounded by both the number of people who assert that everything they need to know about the legal system comes from Law & Order, CSI, etc., and that they are incapable of sitting on a jury because they think that reality will never, ever be as good as TV. Seriously.

And that's pretty much it. I left in the middle of a somewhat esoteric argument with the judge on the nature of evidence. Can you get disqualified for being smart? We'll see where things go tomorrow morning.