I'm graduating next week i reckon...heres a poem in Doric the native dialect of Aberdeen. Don't know what it says exactly...maybe every fourth word or so. It's basically how i survive here.

SMALL ADDITION: Realising that by now everyone reads discobelle or at least some of you do etc. Anyway i just got the new Radioclit EP (Also their first ever physical release) and liked this track. It was already posted. Go pick it up here. It's either an original track with David Banner and Twista or it's a remix. The file says remix, the album implies it's original. I don't care. like it.

DOMINE DANDIE (TWO)

I've been te skweel and college and hae ta'en a gweed degree,
And noo I think I'm thinkin it's a teacher i wid be!
And in twa-three years I'se warrant, gin the warlds waggin weel,
They'll mak' me Dominie Dandie wi' a couthy country skweel.

I widna gang stravaigin aye awa te Aiberdeen
And yonner at Pittodrie stan' and shiver in my sheen,

To the faceless voice on Bodie’s Corner in the 4th Season of The Wire, yelling “Got that Pandemic” or even “….Plymouth Rock” and “…Mistletoe” depending on the holiday, heard but never seen: You are a business man. You are a soldier. You are a (dare I say) hero.

This mix is for you.

Get that Pandemic HERE.

UPDATE! This track was meant to originally be part of the mix, but slipped through the cracks. Download that track HERE
Tracklist changed w/r/t addendum.

1. Tom Waits – “Way Down In The Hole” (Franks Wild Years)*

2. New Young Pony Club – “Ice Cream (DJ Mehdi Remix)” (Ice Cream)

3. Peter Bjorn & John – “Let’s Call It Off (Girl Talk Remix)”

4. LCD Soundsystem – “All My Friends” (Sound of Silver)**

More tracklist follows

DAYS FOUR AND FIVE: "Sometimes, Getting Dunked on is Great"

Four out of five isn't bad. And while Friday's IMDB News did not contain a "slam," Thursday's slam was the stuff of which tabloid dreams are made:

Cruz Slams Gay Rumors

While Wednesday's analysis provided dissentary on tabloids, I take some of it back. Just reading about a possible lesbian relationship between Salma Hayek and Penlope Cruz makes it all worth while. Unfortunately the actual photo, and Ms. Cruz's denial of their relationship, is much less exciting than the rumor itself. In fact, Ms. Cruz's "slam" is only "No comment on that." (See the video here. It's not worth watching. Trust me.)

After a week's analysis, what has been learned? Not a whole lot:

1. IMDB News writers have a limited vocabulary.

2. Tabloids write about some seriously dumb shit. Are you dumb for reading it? Yes. Are they smart for making easy money off your (and my) dumb asses? "Smart" isn't the right word. Perhaps "capitalistic" is the right one.

3. Sometimes, getting dunked on is great. The 7'2" tall Frenchman from this video certainly remembers being so spectacularly slammed. And I will always remember the day a Penelope Cruz-Salma Hayek romance was slammed.

4. As for me, I'll still be reading IMDB news, feeling like an idiot while doing so, and waiting for the day my dream headline, "Spears Slams Costanza Rumors," appears. (It came oh-so-close once.)

5. I have left unexplained the new wave of tabloid-bashing-but-really-loving contingent of which I am a part. The Onion AV Club started a mostly obnoxious blog about it (now that is dissentary), and even the Washington Post is in on the act. My take: it's no better, and perhaps worse, than those who take tabloids seriously. (And yes, those people exist.) Yes, I'm a bigot: my hatred is imposed on people like myself.

I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

Is what i was going to call this mix...but because i sort of blew my load of all things scottish earlier i'm actually going to call this mix. Looks Like A Baby Rat. I'm still experimenting with putting pictures into these things. Booyahbaisse was on the frontlines digging around in computer code to make it work for me once and i thank him though i still put Mahoney at the center of this debacle. Does anyone want to email me an explanation on how to make this happen? (Kitwashere@gmail.com). Regardless right around here i would have a picture of a disgusting looking baby rat and maybe that famous shot of Lindsy Lohan. Or maybe a baby rat pasted over that picture. Something good like that. I'm going to try.

Looks Like a Baby Rat

1. Beware An Aberdonian - The Gaudgies
I was given this record for christmas my first year in Aberdeen by my employers at the record shop. It's sound advice but a lousy record title same as this opening track. I think it's circa 1960...somewhere. Steve apparently played this on loop at a college party and had the place jumpin!

Seriously, who thinks of these titles? Surplus punctuation is never a good thing in movie titles. Literature, maybe. Blogs, of course. But movies need to be able to be judged by their cover (so to speak).

This is all to say: I can't see Code Name: The Cleaner doing much business this weekend, but neither can I see Dangerous Minds or Shrek 4 doing too well either. The '06 holdovers will continue to thrash and Children of Men should sneak up the charts with its new theater count.

Predix:

1. Night at the Museum - $20M
2. Pursuit of Happy - $12M
3. Dreamgirls - $10.5M
4. Code Name: The Cleaner - $8M
5. Children of Men - $7.3M
6. Freedom Writers - $6.8M
7. Charlotte's Web - $6.5M
8. Good Shepherd - $6.3M
9. Rocky Balboa - $5.5M
10. Happily N' Ever After - $4.7M

INDIE MOVIE OF THE WEEK:

Comedy of Power

Actual Results:

1. Night at the Museum - $23.7M
2. Pursuit of Happy - $12.8M
3. Children of Men - $10.2M
4. Freedom Writers - $9.4M

As predicted in Tim Burton's 1996 debacle of a film, terror came to Washington today, as the Democrats took control of Congress. Some notable events of the day:

-Former President and possible future White House resident Bill Clinton turned heads as he commented to the press, "It's a great day for the largest number of women we've ever had in the Congress."

-The first Muslim in Congress, Ralph Ellison, shook hands and patted the shoulder of a man who warned of awful events even worse than those predicted by Mr. Burton (such as more Muslims in Congress). Oh yes, Dennis Kucinich stood by smiling. It's unconfirmed, but this writer is pretty sure that Mr. Kucinich was stoned the whole time.

Read on....

2006 Rap Up

[Editor's note: A mix by Kit.]

Once again no pictures. Damn you Mahoney.

YOU TELL ME.

The New York Times recently ran a story about how the Bush Admin... global warming, yada, yada, yada, polar bears are cute.

...but they're motherfucking ferocious. As Wikipedia notes (emphasis added), "The polar bear is the most carnivorous member of the bear family."

As for Ice T's wife CoCo (aka Nicole Austin), some of what Wikipedia says about polar bears just might apply to her too:

"[CoCo is] enormous, aggressive, curious, and extremely dangerous to humans. It is best to remember that [CoCo], unlike most other [humans], [is] often barely habituated to people and will quickly size up any animal [she] encounter[s] as potential prey. [CoCo] should never be approached and if [she] is spotted, it is best to retreat slowly on foot, preferably to an indoor location, or move away in a vehicle. [Beware, especially, if you find the creature in a situation where her ass extends halfway up her back.]"

The two creatures are both currently surrounded by melting ice.

94% of all Spanish Euros carry trace amounts of cocaine, says a Spanish study, with approximately 13 percent of the one billion Euro notes in circulation showing evidence of being used to directly snort the drug.

When I first heard this soca track, I didn't think much of it. It was being hyped through the stratosphere by some folk on a messageboard I read, but I didn't instantly feel it. But of all the songs that have grown on me lately, this one has probably come the farthest.

Also, it's airplane time. And I can't really imagine a better song exists to be jamming when those engines kick up for takeoff. Damn.