The E-Life: July 10-15

Ok, so the next week is already started. But what better time to look back? We all spend most of the time looking back anyway. Might as well start longingly pining for the week that was 10-16 July 2006. We did this once before and it turned out pretty well.

July 10

Cup Over, Sadness, Sadness
Alright, so it was bound to be a rough week since Sunday heralded the end of the world cup. And oh boy, what an end it was. Everyone's favorite French-Algerian maybe-best-footballer-of-all time with the initials ZYZ fucking dropped that Italian—I remember his name, but I don't want to look up the correct sequence of vowels. Anyway, the world's press went into high gear, giving the deaf lipreaders of the world a chance to really make a difference. Their interpretations of what was said (seen well from this angle) were many, ranging from the standard mother/sister is a whore cracks, to the big T word, to a might I say quite elegant combination of the two: "You are the son of a terrorist whore." But will the world ever know for sure? FIFA has started an inquiry, apparently. Read More...

In other cup news, we finally found that Fabian Barthez is not actually a pirate, he is a Bond villain.

Not Orange Any More But Still Smokin
Ukraine's Orange Coalition falls apart, with the members of the Socialist faction resuming their mandatory bi-weekly Putin blowjobs. Vlad himself was unavailable to begin receiving said parliamentary pleasure because he was too busy kissing boys on the stomach in Red Square. Thankfully, the hottest thing to ever lead a bloc is still pressing on.

I'm The Hot One!
And in substantially less-hot Central European politician news, the president of Poland elected his twin brother as Prime Minister.

Also, Alex wants to hang out.

July 11

He's Still Pretty Good
The new Justin Timberlake song is pretty hot.

July 12

Min Pao!
Jackie chan gets drunk and accosts a singer-songwriter mid-performance in Hong Kong. The Captivate News Network totally outscooped the rest of the world media on this one, brining the story to fucking pissed off elevator riders all across corporate America.

Space
Our astronauts put duct tape, spatulas, peanut-buttter-like putty, etc. to good use. Before sending at least one spatula into low-earth orbit.

God If You Grant Us One Wish
The debate over Natalie Portman's nudity starus in Goya's Ghost continues. Body double? Real full frontal? Real but partial? When will the torture end. Anyway, Oregon's KMTR is on the case.

White Hou$e
Full disclosure of White House staffers rakin' it in. "Gift Analyst" Peter N. Naughton makes a paltry 30k, but he's still a gift analyst. I am glad the top person on this list is named Bartlett.

July 13

It Begins
Numerous Cosmodrome staffers (ok, one) spent the day browsing WalMart's website plotting what they could steal for under $25 without fear of prosecution.

July 14

Bigger tougher stronger
Since Pres. Bush had no recent little boy stomach kiss to directly compare, Vlad gets dirty w/r/t the presidential dog:

When Mr. Bush visited the Russian president's dacha outside Moscow, Mr. Putin's Labrador bounded out to greet them. Comparing his dog to Mr. Bush's smaller Scottish terrier, Mr. Putin turned to Mr. Bush and said, "Bigger, tougher, stronger, faster, meaner — than Barney," Mr. Bush's dog.

Mr. T Gives it up
Gold that is...It's because of Katrina

He really was great
A dead Ken Lay is compared to Martin Luther King and Jesus Christ.

Fucking Hell
Oscar Winners Three Six Mafia continue to get cooler

And oh yeah...
Everything went to complete fucking shit in the M. East.

Until next time, goodnight, goodluck, goodhunting, goodbye.