Balls

"I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people." - Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood

Kobe Bryant, in a survey asking what other NBA players he'd like to see win the title: "If it ain't us, I don't care."

Kenny in full DMX-broadcaster mode. Magic robotically proclaiming "the dunk contest is back!" at frequent, pre-programmed intervals. Daryl Dawkins being Daryl Dawkins. Cheryl Miller being Cheryl Miller.

It really is so much better when you don't know til the end what they decided to call it.

The eternal debate, "practice" or "playoffs," a conversation between Allen Iverson and Jim Mora:

"Skateboarder" Rodney Mullen defies it all.

So the State Department has essentially created a new position called "Director of Digital Media" to hire a former producer of Bill O'Reilly to upload "viral" propaganda videos to YouTube. This one could be called "High Tea with Condi Rice, Karen Hughes, and Hall of Fame baseball player Cal Ripken, Jr.," whom the Bush Administration has tapped to salvage America's image abroad. A few words of caution: this video is a train wreck.

Some classic lines:

"Well, Mr. Ripken -- let's call a spade a spade." -- State Dept. Director of Digital Media Heath Kern (Who Is Heath Kern?)

"Sports is a universal language, kind of like the arts." -- Sec. of State Condi Rice

"Hmmmm... that's a TOUGH QUESTION!" -- Cal Ripken, Jr.